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So i am sitting here in the library, waiting for modern history.. and realising that I am somewhat obsessed with poetry.. as words keep flowing through my head! Lol.

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Well to the anonymous reader, Hi!, and I replied to your comment :D

It's so nice to be sitting here typing at a computer and keyboard, rather than my mobile phone. Sooo update: I ENTERED A POETRY COMP TODAY! SO EXCITING!!! It's my first proper one, kind of symbolic i suppose.... I entered four poems, will find out on the 31st August whether they won/got commended/will be published. I would love feedback from the judges!! And to be published would be great- then I can say I am a published poet. Weeee. I've got another poem to enter in another comp at the end of the week. HOW EXCITING :D:D I am excited that I've got the ball up and rolling, and its inspiring me to write more as well. So excited that I actually got my act together and sent them off :D:D

Listening to the Klaxons at the moment. They are soo good to listen too... And i saw them live at Nevereverland :D:D:D!

Song of songs

Ok. So i thought, what do i want out of love? And i found it. I read song of songs. And thats exactly it. I've learnt my lesson and as it says :
'daughters of jerusalem i charge you: do not arouse or awaken love
Until it so desires.'

There is so much imagery and it is so beautiful- i used to laugh at it - but the connection between this man and woman is beautiful. It encompasses a connection to nature, spirituality, emotions, soul, body, mind, and hunger for this pure love. And when you read it, its not dirty. Its beautiful. I may be a hopeless romantic and even if its a naive notion, i must stick to this. I feel off centre after 'making out' with no connection, and i know now i what i need. I can't seperate myself from emotions, but i need to embrace that and when the time is right with the right person, this ''love'' will come about. I hope. It may be a hopeless idea, it may not be true, but if this book has survived 2000 years there has got to be some chance that it can happen. So i'll stay away from what the city is screaming, what a pint or two whispers... I'll keep my head in the clouds for a while, read song of songs, sonnets, etc, and hopefully i'll realise when 'love' hits.

Of course this will be hard because i do enjoy the notion of kissing. I'll be honest. But ultimately i'm going to put my spirit in front of my physical state, and hopefully when spirits collide, then kissing will follow. Haha i sound like such a dork- but i think thats how i am wired. It would be easier if i weren't wired like this... But hey, at least i know now.

Wow, i just poured my heart into my blog. How odd.

bleh.

I feel like I've failed about what I wrote about in my last blog. New resolutions etc.I don't know whether I can be bothered to write anymore about it here. But I obviously find certain people attractive when other people are buying and supplying drinks. Get a grip on yourself Emily.

So now i can sit on my bed and update my blog. Amazing. Ok, i would like to say that now the last 72 hours or three days have been mind bloggling. Blowing even! Having three generations of friends in the same place... so much fun! And i am truly blessed (sounds so cliche) to have you two (nin and tim!!- it rhymes!) as friends. You guys are awesome.
But i guess i am just amazed how much i have opened up in the last few days. Feels like i am out of some sort of quagmire... Hmm anyway i must sleep! Xox

More pictures

Weee these are photos from my phone!

Blog

Wow. I've just configured how to post to my blog from my phone. Amazing. Here are some pictures!

Elaboration

Ok, quite a few personal revelations have happened in the last 24 hours. So I thought I'd elaborate about them here. First of all: I don't nearly have a boyfriend now. I realised I was trying to convince myself to like him, and it was so physically orientated and I think it was more for the attention. There is no 'spark'- it was more convenience. And I now find myself in the position where I've realised this, talked to him about it (that's right, I was honest and communicative!!)and its all good now. I didn't beat around the bush. I guess there is some people you connect with on different levels, and although I connect with him, its not as high as other people. In some ways i wish it was.

Another revelation: I need to write more.. Get emersed. I went to my first poetry forum today for the Sydney's Writers festival, and it was amazing meeting poets and being encouraged/tips on being published. My identity really resides in this and I need to stop living in a false lala land. I need to return to the things that really get me going and keep me passionate- rather than just skirting through life .... drinking gin and tonics getting drunk at the computer. I want to be 'drunk' on sonnets, words, life, nature, not just 'drunk' from drinking on nothing. So far I've got 24 typed poems! I'd love for constructive criticism, advice, anything so I am going to send them to a heap of stuff at the end of this week. Weeeee.

Third revelation: Try and trust in fate. But not blindly. Encourage fate, but let the universe work its magic... and try to follow it.

And now I must go and read some poetry, write a modern history essay, and write some poetry.. :D

hehe

Hehe ok, remind me not to be at home alone and have gin and tonics. I am sitting here, deliriously happy, my really good friend or boyfriend or whatever you want to call him is coming over in a few hours........ LOL! I am too happy/tipsy/drunk too be writing this... but i don't think i've made a typo yet, so thats goood. Even though its not my gin.. stop drinking mum's gin. Ok. I can't stop giggling. I feel very happy :D. Eveything is going quite well... and its good to be able to let my self go once and a while. I just can't believe he's coming over after work.!!! Lol. WII BOXING! Or something physical. LOL! Ok i shpould stop typing, probably embarassing myself/will regret this later. Anyway life is good, slighly too good at the present moment, due to the influence of alcohol. but yeah... my parents are coming home in a few hours too! LOL. Ok Emily. Sign out of blog. you are making things worse.

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Ok so I am sitting in the Tafe library. And have no idea what to do with myself. Because I thought I'd made a decision but now............ Bleh. Who cares really. I should stop rambling here and do something more productive.

I guess the question is, what am I trying to avoid? Why have I spent so much time in the city, out and about, and not at home? Because I am trying to avoid what's going on with my sister. Is that it? I want to run and hide away from the reality that life has screwed me and her up? I have no idea. I just wish I could do something for her. Hmm I dont know... It just annoys me that everything has to be so screwed up. I mean, I've feeling the best I have since I can remember... but to see the flip side of it... We all go through our own stuff. And at the moment she hates me, literally. But I love her. I don't understand it. Anyway more on this later. I need to cook dinner.

Ok, I think i've got things sorted now :)

I will quote myself. http://emozlie.blogspot.com/2009/03/step-up.html


"You know what? After all the chaos that has gone on this week, it made me do something. Step up. I had a choice to either let it all goand turn into a blubbering mess on a downward spiral with circumstances, or step up and do something. And i've stepped up. I don't know how i did it, but it just clicked. I stepped up to being me, taking responsibilty for things out of my control. And ever since monday night i've felt different. In a good way.... And i haven't felt this in control for a long time. Everything seems to click in, and i feel like i am now being, or doing who i am. If that makes sense. I've had so many realisations about love, God, friends, myself etc, i don't think i can go into it all in one post. And i feel like i'm here now. And I'm ready to be Emily. I'm seeing things in completely different ways and it's like my mind and heart and whatever have been transformed or released from the haze i've been moping arouind in. I can't define what it is, but its like i've made a choice- and its not because i feel like i should, or people say i should or not or whatever, butstepping up and connecting with God in a level i've never done before- its shifted me. I still don't know how to explain it. Praying with my Dad started it off... and its like the tangled up love thing that was going on has vanished. I don't think its been replaced, but changed. I wish i could define the sensation- put at peace? The attention and crap i was craving from peoplehas gone and i feel like my own person. Anyway its amazing, God is amazing, life is one hell of a ride but who knows where i'll end up next. And i'm happy to stand on my two feet again."


Get with it Emily. REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE A CHOICE!!! STEP UP AND BE YOU!

I must say, i do love Janine :D! SOOO great to catch up with you today :) xox

Start ramble...
Ok, where do I start? First up. I think I like attention. And I keep meeting people who just got girlfriends. :(. And I think i should climb back into my shell for a while o.0.. and stop getting drunk... o.0 Mind you i am completely sober at the moment!! Not that it should matter or anything. I guess the thing is... BE HAPPY BEING WHO YOU ARE AND SINGLE. I seem to be trying to latch on the concept of being with someone, not for the person but just for the sake of whatever. And beyond that... I need to focus on my hsssssssc. Not drinks and boys. This sounds a lot worse than i am making it out to be. I am such a dramaqueeeen. I guess its just me being indecisive. Ah stuff this, i don't need to ramble my soul to a blog...