New blog, check out my profile :D

I don't like my other blog.. so I am back here again :P. So HI BLOG!

I wrote this sitting at North Head today... in draft form, but I thought I'd put it here... Will publish a more refined form when I've fiddled around with it.

"Vertigo:
no time or place
peace in unknown depths
higher than the seagull flies
one with the horizon
at dizzying heights
capture eternity
through manufactured lenses
clouds stirring
misty surface
simmering
wildflowers
taking the plunge
knitting sandstone cliffs
together through
roots embedded in time
as the sea whispers below
calling
souls answer
some fly, or fall
down past city sight lines
into an abyss of sea. "

And that's it. Byebye blog.

Yay for my cooking skills and whipped cream! A sponge cake, sausage rolls and spaghetti bol all in 24 hours! And yay for good company! :D

Well, I guess I don't know anymore. About what? About... how I want to live life. But I guess I have the holidays to work it out.I don't even know what the 'it' is, but in the last few hours I've made a cream sponge cake with strawberries, cleaned up the kitchen, did all my washing and took the garbage out. This is not normal Emily behaviour. :P

Blehh. And I am going slightly crazy, i think I know why I liked my outgoing behaviour, because it was a release. And it feels good, even if for only for a few hours... It's harder for me to take control myself and do other things. Which I am doing!! Whichis good. But I guess the right way to deal with things isn't always the easiest?

Wooo new layout... I think it works.

ahhhh no idea why 'undefined undefined' shows up under each post o.0

She's no saint
But she'll bring you to your knees
Try her boy, but she'll still do what she please
Do you believe in science? She's perfect chemistry
She wanted my love but I gave her the rest of me..

If London's calling don't you dare pick up the phone
Only you entwined
Could make this orphan feel at home
Lips that need no introduction, but now waiting for your call
If a picture's worth a thousand words
Then your touch is worth them all
Worth them all...

- Dance, Dance Christa Paffgen, Anberlin

I'm sitting in the backseat of our car. The rain is bucketing down on the m4, we are returning home from dropping rory home. Bon iver is playing loudly in the stereo, all is silent except him and the rain. It's beautiful.... Peaceful. And to know that somehow everything is ok... It may have something to do with the boots i am wearing, but i feel like i've restored the confidence or trust in myself. Well that its on the repair anyway... It's nice to have this feeling without any external influencing factors.... Then again, it may be the boots. Or the fact that i actually put effort into how i looked today... Who knows. I know that is at this very moment, i feel content. Of course this is subject to change at any given moment, but i'll relish it while i have the chance ;)

The question is what do i want. What do i need... I think i've tried every type of escapism this week. I want to be held in someone's arms, i want to feel loved, i want to stop trying to run away from reality and start enjoying it. I want to live life. I'm sick of the talk of alcohol and sex, sure they are fantastic but shouldn't they compliment other elements in life and in relationships, not just be a sensation? I dont know. its incredibly frustrating because its so easy for me to succumb to alcohol and i am just over this whole thing.

I,ve always been a bit of everything, never one group or personality. i am so tired. Emotionally, physically etc. But i can't seem to be getting any sleep... I want to go to a beach, walk along at midnight, watch the stars... Dream.

So i am sitting here in bed trying to get up. I smell like garlic because the meat i ate last night was seasoned too heavily. I'm getting a lift at 8... Bleh.

It's been fantastic to catch up with people the last few days. on a completely unrelated note, i just realised how tired i was/am. I could go back to sleep.... Then again being a walking zombie around the city is very appealing... Don't get me started on financial maths... And that's all i really needed to say. Apart from my desire to fall in love with someone other than one 500 years old. I mean will is great, but after a while the beard does get annoying.....

Ahhh.. Shakespeare. How i adore thee!

Life's been ok. I am going to change my relationship status to in a relationship with shakespeare. Mmm 500 year old dead guys and beards really do it for me. haha. I am yet to meet my shakespeare!! His sonnets = <3 .

Should be studying for a maths test but i am too nervous and really good at procrastinating..... I should take some nurofen and go to bed.....

I'm going to start a new blog! I feel like i've moved on from the person represented here, like i've moved on to a new stage.... So keep posted.

Sweet dreams.

Well hello blog! I am sitting in the tafe library after being slightly crazy.. so now I sit here and type meaninglessly to pass time and to look like I am doing some work. Bleh. Wasn't feeling so good but now feeling ok! I should take iron tablets. Poetry is going well... and thats about it really. Nothing new or exciting, had a bit of an existential crisis today but hey, who doesn't? Need to catch up on everyone else's blogs, have lost lots of time to poetry obsession, but its good. Weeee. Poetry = love.

So i am sitting here in the library, waiting for modern history.. and realising that I am somewhat obsessed with poetry.. as words keep flowing through my head! Lol.

Well to the anonymous reader, Hi!, and I replied to your comment :D

It's so nice to be sitting here typing at a computer and keyboard, rather than my mobile phone. Sooo update: I ENTERED A POETRY COMP TODAY! SO EXCITING!!! It's my first proper one, kind of symbolic i suppose.... I entered four poems, will find out on the 31st August whether they won/got commended/will be published. I would love feedback from the judges!! And to be published would be great- then I can say I am a published poet. Weeee. I've got another poem to enter in another comp at the end of the week. HOW EXCITING :D:D I am excited that I've got the ball up and rolling, and its inspiring me to write more as well. So excited that I actually got my act together and sent them off :D:D

Listening to the Klaxons at the moment. They are soo good to listen too... And i saw them live at Nevereverland :D:D:D!

Ok. So i thought, what do i want out of love? And i found it. I read song of songs. And thats exactly it. I've learnt my lesson and as it says :
'daughters of jerusalem i charge you: do not arouse or awaken love
Until it so desires.'

There is so much imagery and it is so beautiful- i used to laugh at it - but the connection between this man and woman is beautiful. It encompasses a connection to nature, spirituality, emotions, soul, body, mind, and hunger for this pure love. And when you read it, its not dirty. Its beautiful. I may be a hopeless romantic and even if its a naive notion, i must stick to this. I feel off centre after 'making out' with no connection, and i know now i what i need. I can't seperate myself from emotions, but i need to embrace that and when the time is right with the right person, this ''love'' will come about. I hope. It may be a hopeless idea, it may not be true, but if this book has survived 2000 years there has got to be some chance that it can happen. So i'll stay away from what the city is screaming, what a pint or two whispers... I'll keep my head in the clouds for a while, read song of songs, sonnets, etc, and hopefully i'll realise when 'love' hits.

Of course this will be hard because i do enjoy the notion of kissing. I'll be honest. But ultimately i'm going to put my spirit in front of my physical state, and hopefully when spirits collide, then kissing will follow. Haha i sound like such a dork- but i think thats how i am wired. It would be easier if i weren't wired like this... But hey, at least i know now.

Wow, i just poured my heart into my blog. How odd.

I feel like I've failed about what I wrote about in my last blog. New resolutions etc.I don't know whether I can be bothered to write anymore about it here. But I obviously find certain people attractive when other people are buying and supplying drinks. Get a grip on yourself Emily.

So now i can sit on my bed and update my blog. Amazing. Ok, i would like to say that now the last 72 hours or three days have been mind bloggling. Blowing even! Having three generations of friends in the same place... so much fun! And i am truly blessed (sounds so cliche) to have you two (nin and tim!!- it rhymes!) as friends. You guys are awesome.
But i guess i am just amazed how much i have opened up in the last few days. Feels like i am out of some sort of quagmire... Hmm anyway i must sleep! Xox

Weee these are photos from my phone!

Wow. I've just configured how to post to my blog from my phone. Amazing. Here are some pictures!

Ok, quite a few personal revelations have happened in the last 24 hours. So I thought I'd elaborate about them here. First of all: I don't nearly have a boyfriend now. I realised I was trying to convince myself to like him, and it was so physically orientated and I think it was more for the attention. There is no 'spark'- it was more convenience. And I now find myself in the position where I've realised this, talked to him about it (that's right, I was honest and communicative!!)and its all good now. I didn't beat around the bush. I guess there is some people you connect with on different levels, and although I connect with him, its not as high as other people. In some ways i wish it was.

Another revelation: I need to write more.. Get emersed. I went to my first poetry forum today for the Sydney's Writers festival, and it was amazing meeting poets and being encouraged/tips on being published. My identity really resides in this and I need to stop living in a false lala land. I need to return to the things that really get me going and keep me passionate- rather than just skirting through life .... drinking gin and tonics getting drunk at the computer. I want to be 'drunk' on sonnets, words, life, nature, not just 'drunk' from drinking on nothing. So far I've got 24 typed poems! I'd love for constructive criticism, advice, anything so I am going to send them to a heap of stuff at the end of this week. Weeeee.

Third revelation: Try and trust in fate. But not blindly. Encourage fate, but let the universe work its magic... and try to follow it.

And now I must go and read some poetry, write a modern history essay, and write some poetry.. :D