I suggest you all read "A Note of Madness" by Tabitha Suzuma. It is BRILLIANT! Its about Bipolar Disorder and it is amazing. The way she has done it- words fail me!! (I'm using it for Ext 2 English.. ;D)

I'm sitting here thinking whether I should keep typing or not.... I probably should press "publish post" now... But a subject that is on my mind at the moment is internalisation. You see, apparently, I internalise everything. Which, I agree with. This all started out of politeness, respect, but I'm afraid its warped into this weird thing where I can't even express how I am feeling.. I won't let myself experience or express an emotion that I don't think is appropriate. So I don't. I wait until I am alone, and express it to my pillow, or my journal or to an unsuspecting infamous individual on the other side of a phone line who probably thinks i've slightly lost the plot. Now, with my current state of mind, internalisation is apparently not a good thing to have. Which I agree with. But i find that it is ironic, because If I express how I feel, then I'll probably get a mouthful back, but when I internalise I get a mouthful back. The reality is that I just don't like having my streams of thoughts projected into words, into life (so to speak) when I am sure they will cause numerous consequences. Does that mean I like to control every situation? Not really. Maybe I don't want to burden or upset people with my point of view? Maybe. The thing is though, when I do decide to "spill" a few times it has quite literally been shoved back into my face and twisted around. Anyway, I'm just trying to say, I should talk to people more (aka my Mum and others) and tell them exactly how I am feeling or how I feel about something. And stand up and be counted with my opinion. Maybe if I am more expressive, I can be in touch with my emotions more.. etc. If only I could. I'm sure I will be able too.. And school! School! Has actually been good. A few times I've just wanted to go home and not be around so many people, but it has been mostly great. Everybody has things happening in their life at the moment, good and bad, and I'm wishing that we could all join together and lift everyone up!! I find it really difficult though, because during my holidays I had some pretty down times, and I would love to say- yes, at the moment I am fighting Depression and I'm so happy that I made it to school today!!, but quite obviously according to social ettique that would be an inappropriate thing to say. I think i'll slowly break the ice. I'm getting frustrated with my family a bit atm.. just because i feel like i shouldn't be feeling like this (well that is the impression I am getting from a certain individual) and that the way i have been feeling is top secret or something. Well, its not.

I don't really want to publish this to the whole world... but as I said in my last blog I want people to be aware of Depression in our society. 1 in 5 australians. And just to let you know I am going be "assessed" this week- so I am taking the steps to get this thing under control. Don't be afraid of it, speak out. If one person does, then another one will... and soon we can get rid of this taboo.