I guess there is a time when you are brought to your knees by all the things about yourself you pretended didn't exist.. ever had the feeling? this year has been crap. Absolutely. I never thought i'd be in the place i am now- but hey, according to english its all in the journey of life. Whoopie. I've decided sanity is actually all in your head. If you are infact going through a bout of insanity, you don't realise it until your 'sane' again. I met a lady at a bus stop... she told me how chicken nuggets were too expensive and how she was going to make her own out of seaweed. She pronounced to the bus driver that she had bipolar... and went about her buisness. To her, she is fine. But it appears sanity can only be decided by others around you and how they perceive your behaviour. And what is sanity anyway? the most interesting people I've met have always been seen as strange.. people who chose to do the little things in life that everyone else is too scared to do.. singing loudly on a bus, dressing how they please- wearing a sparkly green hat and long black boots- these are all amazing people who dare to do what they want. They aren't contstrained by social opinions or what others would do. They are embracing life... it's so beautiful how they do it. And what am I doing? Clinging on to systems, achievements that really mean nothing anymore. I don't know what to call it, but i've lost so much of 'it'. I swear when i'm better, every single person will know about depression. it fucking sucks - most people think people who get it are weak- but it takes strenght to get out of bed each day, to take each new day, to live each new day. it's like everything has been stripped from me and now i'm building my life up again i suppose. 'maintaining a balance'. i've always worried about the future and the past, but now i'm learnign to live in the present. Enjoying the moment, now. but at times it's like i'm stuck in a box that i just can't get out of... Anyway i've been able to do the things i love- writing poetry and painting, walking denver.... and my world can only get better.