I'e spent today doing nothing. I feel so unproductive- i read a whole heap of psychology books- bits and pieces....... that was fun. Painted my nails. I feel so unmotivated yet somewhat scared to do anything because aahh tafe next week. I hate waiting... I guess i've got this underlying ffear that tafe is going to do to me what school did last year... But how do i face that fear?? I don't know what's going to happen, for better or for worse this year... its all uncertainty... It's so weird.... i want to do this hsc thing.. and go to uni. I am so freaked out though, because what if this is all a circle? That i get better for a while, work starts back, i get overwhelmed etc, and i start spiralling down again? I guess i've always been used to making it on my own.. Shit, i'm scared. I know it'll all work out- but even when i'm well, there's still this underlying 'oh, that's where i have been...' and 'ahh, what if i go back>?' because its not realistic to say it will or won't happen again. And i've got myself in check and all the support stuff has been set up. And its strange being branded with the term 'clinical depression' and having to write that as a disability on forms- its all true though. I should be proud of how far i've come... and i am.. at the moment i'm just scared it will all come back......... I know i need to get over it and i will, but i've never been one to enjoy/look forward to confrontations, especially with myself. Tafe is a great environment, everyone is supportive, stop thinking and just get on with it Emily.