You know what? After all the chaos that has gone on this week, it made me do something. Step up. I had a choice to either let it all goand turn into a blubbering mess on a downward spiral with circumstances, or step up and do something. And i've stepped up. I don't know how i did it, but it just clicked. I stepped up to being me, taking responsibilty for things out of my control.  And ever since monday night i've felt different. In a good way.... And i haven't felt this in control for a long time. Everything seems to click in, and i feel like i am now being, or doing who i am. If that makes sense. I've had so many realisations about love, God, friends, myself etc, i don't think i can go into it all in one post.  And i feel like i'm here now. And I'm ready to be Emily.  I'm seeing things in completely different ways and it's like my mind and heart and whatever have been transformed or released from the haze i've been moping arouind in. I can't define what it is, but its like i've made a choice- and its not because i feel like i should, or people say i should or not or whatever, butstepping up and connecting with God in a level i've never done before- its shifted me. I still don't know how to explain it. Praying with my Dad started it off... and its like the tangled up love thing that was going on has vanished. I don't think its been replaced, but changed. I wish i could define the sensation- put at peace? The attention and crap i was craving from peoplehas gone and i feel like my own person. Anyway its amazing, God is amazing, life is one hell of a ride but who knows where i'll end up next.   And i'm happy to stand on my two feet again.