The title of this blog is dedicated to a disney song i just listened to. Haha so random. How am I? Quite well come to think about it. I'm back from my grandparents house and its so nice to be home. It's just that feeling of being home... of peace and being at ease. Somehow, some way i think that through our trip i've uncovered another piece of who I am. Which is always a good thing!! I feel like I'm a bit more feminine or maybe embracing my femininity (if that's a real word) more... i guess that makes me feel softer, more open. I'm not the type of person that would ever wear my heart on my sleave, but i think i'm starting to be a little bit more open. Gradually. Not as defensive so to speak. Which is a learning process!! But it's nice not to feel locked up. I still have a long way to go, but i believe in the future that all these complex defence systems will be gone and i think at that stage that will be a very beautiful thing- to essentially love freely. If there is such a thing! I don't want the past to effect my future, and i believe that everyone has a choice to make- to learn from the past and essentially move on into the future or to still let the past effect them and their future. It's not easy either way. But the first option will leave you in a much better position and as a much better person. And it isn't overnight, it takes time. I've made many choices to change and some of them have worked, others haven't. Most of them that have worked was when i was like "GOD, HELP ME!". It is sometimes so frustrating that i could try for months to change something, but as soon as i go to God He can start the change and sometimes complete the change in an instant. It leaves me amazed and i am still further amazed that i can have a relationship with Him. It's not always easy.. like at the moment i'm finding it difficult to be praying each day. But not just me rambling on about all my problems, that it is easy to do (lol) but actually spending time listening to Him and what He has to say. I've been reading my bible but sometimes i forget to stop and actually think what it means and ask God how I can apply it to my life. I'm getting there, but sometimes it is very frustrating to think that i am only human and i make mistakes.. some days i just completely push God out.. and then you discover the next day He was waiting to help. Or listen. The wonderful thing is that no matter how much i stuff up, ignore or run away from God, is that He loves me no matter what I do or say. Someone loves me Unconditionally. Which is something that keeps me in awe.. and completely stunned sometimes. I really don't want to think about what i would be like without him... It is such a great feeling to be in love with God! Hmm i think i need to go and get ready for bed now... soo sleepy. Sweet dreams xox

I've been reading this book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. And it's so amazing and beautiful- it's about the womans soul. And how each woman (and man, but this is in a different book for men) has a question that needs to be answered. And where women get this question answered can be all over the place. Here is a part of the blurb on the back cover: "The message of Captivating is this: Your heart maters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman- they are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating." I know it sounds a bit mushy... but it is beautiful. I haven't even finished reading the book, and i just feel so beautiful and loved. I'm amazed that God actually loves me this much, and longs to play a big part in all of our lives. And that longing that all women have, that question of am i lovely? can all be fulfiled and answered by God. I encourage you if you are a man, to read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and if you are a woman, to read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It will change your life! I know I am only 17, and I probably fit into more of the teenage category rather than the woman's category, but if it has helped me, imagine what it could do for an actual woman in her 20's/30's/40's/50's etc? And all you teenage boys and men, read Wild at Heart if not for me, but for the benefit for you and your future wife. Better still, if you are a couple, grab a copy of each, read it and then talk about it together!

Well i think thats enough advertising haha. But seriously, these books will change your life! I'm just going to leave you with my two favourite bible verses at the moment. When I read them both, i just feel so loved and blessed to have God in my life..

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Jeremiah 29:11-14

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you", declares the LORD.

Ooh I love these bible verses at the moment.. <3