I'm so tired its not funny. And instead of writing this i should be in bed. But even that seems like such a hard task, So i'll just sit here and type and hope for the best. Really wanted to go to a blues nite tonight, but i'm sooo stuffed. I think festivals do that for you.. my jeans and top smell like sweat, beer and cigarettes- and i didn't smoke or drink. They are sitting in my dirty clothes basket in the middle of my room. WHy in the middle i don't know. POintless rambling here, lalalalla. Presets were awweeesome. So were the klaxons, ladyhawke etc. Nevereverland was a good festival! And OMGOSH cute indie photographers! :o! well ione actually. I've never been anywhere before where i've seen more try hard indies in my life. Only got hit on twice?? I swear dance drugs and alcohol can fuck up a lot of people... I'm just glad matt was there! when i found out i had free tickets saturday morning i made frantic phone callls... met up with jack and another guy thats in my grade that i can't remember the name of afterwards justin maybe??....... so navigated our way home with them. Taxis from mall to home cost $27.10 .This is really making no sense, just thoughts eerywhere. oh well.. a bottle of water cost $4 there. more economical to buy beer. didn't though... music was fantastic... was right up the front, made friends with security guards, he kept giving us water. Last song i got squashed to death. One stage couldn't move!! But was alll good! don't wear thongs to the hordern pavillon EVER. The band Hervules or something was AMAZING. think latin, jazz and electro all jumbled to gether.! There was also a random band called the whitest guy or boy or something... they were from germany and were really funny.. i got to meet him :D! well shake hands with him and try to speak and not hear anything. aaah presets were reallly gooooooood. and random guys jumping on stage during their performance ws funny.. the look on their faces was priceless! so yeha all round great night,........... such a sloppy blogpost, i seem to write in dot points when i am tired. well dot point sentences. oh well just consider it a stream of consciousness. anyway that sleep thing.. i should probably get some. ooh in a couple of days some photographers will upload their photos so i'll get to get a few of me looking pretty stupid. yay. I'll leave you with ladyhawke 'stop.. playing with my delirium....'. ook goodnight and lets hope my next blog makes sense.

I'm going to go to sleeeep now I am sooo tired. Don't know why i am even bothering to write up anything.... Felt like publishing a post I suppose. I don't feel so good. I think sleep will fix it :D! Sweet dreams.

Tonight, randomly, i wrote a poem! I haven't written poetry in so long!
This was the last stanza..

"But I turn another cheek
fall into the embrace
of an unbroken slumber
suspended from time
living my dreams
from the inside."

The whole poem is about getting up in the morning and in the end 'turning the other cheek' and going back to sleep :P. When its finished I'll put it up here!!

Well on Monday, my Deputy Principal suggested that I take 2-3 days off school.. to relax and take a break. And NOT to do work. o.0. I never knew you could actually suffer from exhaustion.. I went to the doctor today, he took a blood test (I got to eat a lolly :D! And he put a cotton puff over it...)& discussed numerous things.. and i have a long appointment on monday where we will discuss the results. So yeah.. I'm not on my death bed! Never fear! I'm just having a break :). I think it'll take at least one more day for me to actually relax :P. It's actually stressful not being able to do work or go to school. I woke up this morning really 'AHHHH'ing because i thought i forgot to wake up my sister for school. I just need to get all this stress and anxiety out of me!

Anyway, i have a medical certificate until the end of this week. :). I'm going to sleep now.. but blog, rest in the fact that I am ok, and everything is being sorted out. And everything can only get better. :)

The title of this blog is dedicated to a disney song i just listened to. Haha so random. How am I? Quite well come to think about it. I'm back from my grandparents house and its so nice to be home. It's just that feeling of being home... of peace and being at ease. Somehow, some way i think that through our trip i've uncovered another piece of who I am. Which is always a good thing!! I feel like I'm a bit more feminine or maybe embracing my femininity (if that's a real word) more... i guess that makes me feel softer, more open. I'm not the type of person that would ever wear my heart on my sleave, but i think i'm starting to be a little bit more open. Gradually. Not as defensive so to speak. Which is a learning process!! But it's nice not to feel locked up. I still have a long way to go, but i believe in the future that all these complex defence systems will be gone and i think at that stage that will be a very beautiful thing- to essentially love freely. If there is such a thing! I don't want the past to effect my future, and i believe that everyone has a choice to make- to learn from the past and essentially move on into the future or to still let the past effect them and their future. It's not easy either way. But the first option will leave you in a much better position and as a much better person. And it isn't overnight, it takes time. I've made many choices to change and some of them have worked, others haven't. Most of them that have worked was when i was like "GOD, HELP ME!". It is sometimes so frustrating that i could try for months to change something, but as soon as i go to God He can start the change and sometimes complete the change in an instant. It leaves me amazed and i am still further amazed that i can have a relationship with Him. It's not always easy.. like at the moment i'm finding it difficult to be praying each day. But not just me rambling on about all my problems, that it is easy to do (lol) but actually spending time listening to Him and what He has to say. I've been reading my bible but sometimes i forget to stop and actually think what it means and ask God how I can apply it to my life. I'm getting there, but sometimes it is very frustrating to think that i am only human and i make mistakes.. some days i just completely push God out.. and then you discover the next day He was waiting to help. Or listen. The wonderful thing is that no matter how much i stuff up, ignore or run away from God, is that He loves me no matter what I do or say. Someone loves me Unconditionally. Which is something that keeps me in awe.. and completely stunned sometimes. I really don't want to think about what i would be like without him... It is such a great feeling to be in love with God! Hmm i think i need to go and get ready for bed now... soo sleepy. Sweet dreams xox

Yes I have hayfever. o.0.

And lol my sister has been in my room and left the mail in here- and how IRONIC that a booklet on 'talking with your kids about drugs' is on my dressing table because she left it here. Lol, maybe i should give it to some people in our grade.

Youth was really great tonight. We video recorded a song, so its like a video clip now. And yay (somewhere) i'll be on it! woooooo.......

Anyway sleep calls. Goodnight.