The title of this blog is dedicated to a disney song i just listened to. Haha so random. How am I? Quite well come to think about it. I'm back from my grandparents house and its so nice to be home. It's just that feeling of being home... of peace and being at ease. Somehow, some way i think that through our trip i've uncovered another piece of who I am. Which is always a good thing!! I feel like I'm a bit more feminine or maybe embracing my femininity (if that's a real word) more... i guess that makes me feel softer, more open. I'm not the type of person that would ever wear my heart on my sleave, but i think i'm starting to be a little bit more open. Gradually. Not as defensive so to speak. Which is a learning process!! But it's nice not to feel locked up. I still have a long way to go, but i believe in the future that all these complex defence systems will be gone and i think at that stage that will be a very beautiful thing- to essentially love freely. If there is such a thing! I don't want the past to effect my future, and i believe that everyone has a choice to make- to learn from the past and essentially move on into the future or to still let the past effect them and their future. It's not easy either way. But the first option will leave you in a much better position and as a much better person. And it isn't overnight, it takes time. I've made many choices to change and some of them have worked, others haven't. Most of them that have worked was when i was like "GOD, HELP ME!". It is sometimes so frustrating that i could try for months to change something, but as soon as i go to God He can start the change and sometimes complete the change in an instant. It leaves me amazed and i am still further amazed that i can have a relationship with Him. It's not always easy.. like at the moment i'm finding it difficult to be praying each day. But not just me rambling on about all my problems, that it is easy to do (lol) but actually spending time listening to Him and what He has to say. I've been reading my bible but sometimes i forget to stop and actually think what it means and ask God how I can apply it to my life. I'm getting there, but sometimes it is very frustrating to think that i am only human and i make mistakes.. some days i just completely push God out.. and then you discover the next day He was waiting to help. Or listen. The wonderful thing is that no matter how much i stuff up, ignore or run away from God, is that He loves me no matter what I do or say. Someone loves me Unconditionally. Which is something that keeps me in awe.. and completely stunned sometimes. I really don't want to think about what i would be like without him... It is such a great feeling to be in love with God! Hmm i think i need to go and get ready for bed now... soo sleepy. Sweet dreams xox

Well I went to the Sydney Uni Open day yesterday. I'm in love. Head over heels. I am DEFINITELY going to Sydney Uni. I just feel so comfortable and at home there.. the buildings are beautiful!! :D. I went with Ashleigh, Tavis, Serena and Hayley-Jayne... we all went to the courses we wanted to see and everything and I bought a sydney uni note book!! Weee it looks so great.. (except now i have 6 new unused notebooks and I have come to the conclusion that i am slightly obsessed with notebooks.. although it's fair to say that I got a whole heap of notebooks (YAY) for my birthday, so i didn't purchase all of them :P.) Anyway, Sydney Uni is tops, and i can't wait to be there in 2009. *eeeeeeek omgosh HSC*.

This week has been interesting... I'm still behind in my school work and my social life apart from going to Sydney Uni is non existent. But i think that's the way its going to be for quite a while. Let's see how long its going to take for me to go insane.. I'm guessing just before prelims. I'll die. Sanity death wise, not physically. Yeaaaah.

It's really interesting seeing how people relate, and how people have changed. I reckon a lot of life is about growing as a person- and that growth comes from how you handle situations. Will you rise above them, step on top of them or will you just stay complaining about how things never worked out when I was 5 because my big brother didn't give me a lolly? lol, i mean obviously the past is going to influence your future, but it will either be positive or negative. I love it how God can heal the bits in your past that hurt and stop you from moving forward, and then by Him healing your heart, you can then go into the future.

*new topic* My sister and I had this random arguement the other day about how she thought it was sad that I was 17 and 'had never been kissed' or had a boyfriend. (lol, haha the first guy i kissed was like when I was 6 or 7, in a garden shed, when we were getting married. Lol, i guess thats not really a proper thing.. oh and LOL last year at HAA.. that's right.. the 'first' guy i accidently kissed was gay hahahahaha. Ok i hope if you are reading this you can tell i'm being silly in these brackets.. :P) The thing is, I don't believe that my life would be any more complete by having that boyfriend or having that first kiss. I mean sure, it would be great, but i really don't see anything working out with anybody at this time in my life. Lol, and anyway i need to focus on my hsc. A lot of people think that they need a significant other but for me i think i would rather wait. Until i'm at uni, finished school... that kinda thing. Lol because i know when i meet a guy that i would love to spend the rest of my life with, i think i'd just go head over heels (haha more so than my love for sydney uni). And i don't believe that every teenager should have to go through their first love and their first heartbreak and their first whatever. And I'm not going to use 'love' to fill a hole or to complete me.

ANYWAY sorry massive long ramble. I need to finish my AH speech. Hope you are all well and healthy (stay away from the flu!!) and have a great week!! xox

P.s. My haircut is working :D!