Dear Blog,

I am awfully sorry i have neglected you the last 13 days. Nearly two weeks without a post, from memory. How have you been feeling? Sad i suppose, since the only exciting thing that ever happens to you is me typing and publishing to you. How have I been?, i hear you inquire! Well thank you blog for asking, because i know I haven't talked to you in a while.

I've been alright. Lol, sometimes i get a bit like OMGOSH YEAR 12ISH, but othertimes i'm good. I miss some of the intimacy (no, not THAT type) that i had with some of my friends at the start of this year, but i suppose that's school for you. It's really amazing to see how I have grown as a person and of course how others have faced the challenge of taking on year 12. Everything at times moves so fast, that you take a breath and it's like- woah. A whole week has just gone by.

And that is all I am prepared to write tonight, my dearest blog. I am rather tired and I wish to catch the express bus to dreamland for the night.

From your always loving blogwriter. xox

ARGH!

Year 12 has been going great.. its fantastic to be doing all the subjects i want to do! SRC camp was fun and very productive... today was adventurous.. went on an english extension 2 excursion!! It was a lecturer.. Ms Carolan = red pen..

Something that i can't get out of my mind was i got a look today thats just annoying me so i'm going to ramble on about it here. It was one of those judgemental 'omgosh what are you doing here' looks. And it just made me a bit annoyed. I'm not going to get that worked out about it.. But still, just think twice before you do that to someone. I just shrugged it off- i'm not going to change my appearance or whatever for someone- but i just feels so degrading!! Anyway, enough of that. I'm just going to be myself and that's all i can be. Each day i feel like i'm slowly discovering more and more about myself- its a great feeling!!!!!

I have psychology skills. :D. WOot. ( i love how the mind works...)

So the game has finally started... Year 12. YEAR TWELVE! And I have now dropped maths and it appears I am doing three major works.. hmmm i think I will be able to do it. I've talked to three teachers about it, and they were all like 'follow your heart' (Three teachers said the same thing..) and so that's what i am going to do. I love the quote from the Power of One it says "First with your head and then with your heart" and hopefully that's what i am doing. :).

I've got all but maths back for my prelims.. I did ok! Suprisingly, my worse subject was English... o.0. And my highest has been S&C- with 20/20 for my first essay and 17/20 for my second. :D!

Things have been quite interesting at school socially lately! It's so interesting to see how everything inter-relates and sometimes its just fun to watch how people relate and react to others. Lol, sometimes i'm just so lazy in group situations. :D. i can just observe... But i think that with what has been going on the people involved have handled it beautifully- they have showed a huge amount of emotionally maturity. I doubt anyone from my group actually even reads this, but its great to see how all of you have changed in the last year! Wee for growing up..

And on that note, i must go and read some drama notes. :D

When Danny K this morning at youth first mentioned 'impurity' I automatically thought of sexual purity and thats what i thought he was going to talk about. I almost tuned out because at the moment sexual purity is not something i am struggling with or really think about much (haha i don't really have anyone to think about in the first place :P). But when he went on, he was actually talked about impurities that can happen in the heart- the things that can distract you from God. The theme of this month at SG is prayer and worship, and he continued to say that if you have impurities in your heart, when you are in the time of worship it's harder to concentrate, because even though your eyes are closed and your mind is focusing on God, your heart will be trying to pull you somewhere else. I found that really interesting because sometimes i can get distracted and find it difficult to focus on God, so it got me thinking what was holding me back. What was distracting me? I'm still not really sure, but i think there is something in my life that i need to just let go of... I might have some idea of what it is... But i think what is really amazing about it is that God wants to have a relationship with all of me- not just my mind or part of my heart, but all of me. :)

Oh, here is a video on what is happening at youth next week, it looks great.



I think it will work!! (hopefully)

Tomorrow we start year 12! :)

My sister has uploaded Pink Floyd to her computer, and so now I am currently listening to it. It's like a massive journey... not a few tracks that are thrown on an album to make money.. It's pretty good.

I'm so tired. o.0. And Year 12 starts on Monday! o.0

Elizabeth's camp was lots of fun. I think it can be summarised in two words: 'HSC' and 'hormones'. Hahaha well for me anyway. It was more anti hsc.. but i think the thought was lingering in the back of all of our minds. Since I couldn't swim, I took HEAPS of photos. And I mean heaps! It was lots of fun traversing around the island taking photographs. I'm going to print some out hopefully ;D

Hayley's party was also great!! Lol.. so much fun!

Ok well i'm too tired to think of anything else to write. I hope my year 11 report was ok! hmm i should call Elizabeth...

xo

I love this song called '22 Steps' by the Australian Idol Winner last year Damien Leith. :D

If I were him,
I'd know your birthday
Just what to get
The colors you wear
We'd borrow bikes
We'd ride on Sundays
You'll review
The books I've selled

And I know
It takes 22 steps
from the walk to your door
Takes 22 steps
'Cause I've tried it before
And one day I'll knock
But just not yet

If I were him
I'd buy the rain coat
The orange one
That he forbeyed
We'd wait for rain
We'd walk by his house
In the front
Not by the lane

And I know takes 22 steps
from the walk to your door
Takes 22 steps
'Cause I've tried it before
And one day I'll knock
But just not yet

And I'm not so sure
That you would not say
Get out, don't step in
I will never try again
I'm not so sure.
That you would not say
Get out, don't step in
I will never try again
I will never try again

Takes 22 steps
From the walk to your door
Takes 22 steps
'Cause I've tried it before
And one day I'll knock
And one day I'll knock

Takes 22 steps
From the walk to your door
Takes 22 steps
'Cause I've tried it before
And one day I'll knock
But just not yet

If I were him, I’d know your birthday wish...

The title of this blog is dedicated to a disney song i just listened to. Haha so random. How am I? Quite well come to think about it. I'm back from my grandparents house and its so nice to be home. It's just that feeling of being home... of peace and being at ease. Somehow, some way i think that through our trip i've uncovered another piece of who I am. Which is always a good thing!! I feel like I'm a bit more feminine or maybe embracing my femininity (if that's a real word) more... i guess that makes me feel softer, more open. I'm not the type of person that would ever wear my heart on my sleave, but i think i'm starting to be a little bit more open. Gradually. Not as defensive so to speak. Which is a learning process!! But it's nice not to feel locked up. I still have a long way to go, but i believe in the future that all these complex defence systems will be gone and i think at that stage that will be a very beautiful thing- to essentially love freely. If there is such a thing! I don't want the past to effect my future, and i believe that everyone has a choice to make- to learn from the past and essentially move on into the future or to still let the past effect them and their future. It's not easy either way. But the first option will leave you in a much better position and as a much better person. And it isn't overnight, it takes time. I've made many choices to change and some of them have worked, others haven't. Most of them that have worked was when i was like "GOD, HELP ME!". It is sometimes so frustrating that i could try for months to change something, but as soon as i go to God He can start the change and sometimes complete the change in an instant. It leaves me amazed and i am still further amazed that i can have a relationship with Him. It's not always easy.. like at the moment i'm finding it difficult to be praying each day. But not just me rambling on about all my problems, that it is easy to do (lol) but actually spending time listening to Him and what He has to say. I've been reading my bible but sometimes i forget to stop and actually think what it means and ask God how I can apply it to my life. I'm getting there, but sometimes it is very frustrating to think that i am only human and i make mistakes.. some days i just completely push God out.. and then you discover the next day He was waiting to help. Or listen. The wonderful thing is that no matter how much i stuff up, ignore or run away from God, is that He loves me no matter what I do or say. Someone loves me Unconditionally. Which is something that keeps me in awe.. and completely stunned sometimes. I really don't want to think about what i would be like without him... It is such a great feeling to be in love with God! Hmm i think i need to go and get ready for bed now... soo sleepy. Sweet dreams xox

Hey everyone. Just thought I'd say hello from the south coast, from my grandparents house :D. The last three days have been so jam packed, but great none the less, and it has been wonderful to catch up with people and get to do some pretty cool stuff. "Pretty cool stuff" sounds very vague, but it encapsulates about everything I have done in the last 72 hours. I will try and quickly list what has happened:

1. Unofficially became a year 12 on Thursday. Learnt how to sent up a tent and how to say goodbye to some amazing people. Also went to the beach (for the second day in the row) in celebration of finishing our exams!! On Wednesday it was a fantastic feeling that I had FINALLY finished my exams!!!
2. Thursday night, my sister and I stayed up packing until about 11:30. On Friday morning we got up at 6:30 (groooaaan) to leave for Penrith. This short amount of sleep is an achievement in its self.
3. FRIDAY! We got to Penrith, bumped into Kieren straight away!! It was really great to catch up with everyone... :D
4. Heather and I left to get our haircut... weee.. my hair is now layered (finally) and looks great straightened or with a blowdry. At the moment it looks horrible, but I'm on holiday, so it doesn't really matter.
5. Friday night, arrived in Canberra. Watched Ms Congeniality!! For the first time! Great movie. Caught up with Bethany, Jane and Chris. Felt right at home there. I really would love to spend more time there.
6. Saturday- straightened my hair. Felt like a rockstar. I wore my red shoes- (how i love my red shoes...) and travelled to my grandparents house. (Down the south coast..). Went to my Mum's old high school and saw some of her old class mates! (it was my mums 30 years class of 77 or something reunion..) Met Ralph. He is so incredibly cool! My mum went to school with him.
7. Sunday- MAGIC MOUNTAIN! (Small Amusement park) SO MUCH FUN! I went on the Go Karts, the silver slidey thing, the roller coaster seven times in a row (i was really dizzy afterwards...), the maze, the slipperydip with carpet and mini golf. I did these activites several times, and my sister has now decided that she won't come in a car with me because i didn't use the break in the go karts. hahahaha. I was really proud that i defeated my fear of rollercoasters (even if this was a small one..). Caught up with Lilly, Trish, Andrew, Meg and Kate. After that we had CHOCOALTE PADDLEPOPS! and then went to Trish's to watch the football. *tear* Manly. At least we came second!! But i can't BELIEVE what happened to player number one!! :O! I think he has a right side brain injury, because his right hand kept curling up.
8. So now I sit on Monday at my Pa's computer typing away. I've started reading "The Power of One' and it is an amazing book. Really confronting. It's made me go teary a few times, and i have only read about 150 pages!!!

I've dressed up the last two days, which has been great, it makes so feel like you are on top of the world. But right now I am sitting in my tracksuit pants and my U2 tour tshirt and this feels just as good. To think that I will be in Year 12 next term doing work that counts towards my HSc is kind of daunting, but I'm coming into terms with it more and more. I guess all my previous years of schooling and life experience has been preparing me for this time, this chapter in my life. And there is no use fearing it, but embracing it. I know i can freak out saying next year I'll be 18 etc, but i think i am just going to enjoy life now. Not worry about the future. The future will come, and I'm just going to trust God in the future, and hope that the decisions and paths i step and carve now will carry me into the right future. This is our time. Our HSC. Let's embrace and make the best of it.. :)

So. Heather and I were waiting for Mum to get home to bring us home Pizza... and in turned out that she had pulled up on the side of the road and was talking to a long lost friend. Or something. Well she was meant to be home an hour and ago at that point and i was worried.. but obviously she is ok. Anyway, Heather and I had been starving and waiting for that PIZZA that would never come... we checked the cupboards and there is nothing really to cook... so I just ordered pizza online!! :D! How cool is that?? And they'll be here in 20mins. So exciting because I am so hungry and I don't really want to eat toast. :D. I don't think I'll be going to that movie thing tomorrow now, because i just spent my money on pizza XD. mmhm. Weeee so now I wait for my pizzas. Can't wait to eat them.

Eeeek drama tomorrow. I should probably study.... o.0

Well today I wrote a song. On the .. piano! Yes, i know. The piano. I didn't realise i could play that well anymore but i have written a song on the piano and yeah! So happy! It's a bit of an emotional love song haha. Well more like a love song.. I don't really know how i wrote it.. but I sung it for Heather then for Mum, Oliver and Heather and they said that they really liked it and that I had a sweet voice. (Not sweet as in good, but sweet as in the type of voice...) I guess it feels like a personal song, and it was really great to perform it (even though its hard o.0). But when i'm singing and playing I just feel like its coming out from my heart.. i don't know how to explain it, but it's a beautiful experience.

Anyway that all i really wanted to say! I think it's amazing how God can use you to express beautiful things that show his love. :)

I can't even explain the freedom i feel right now... after exams.. I have one left! Yeserday, i did this: (as said in msn form..)

"Slept in till 9, had breakfast watched the end of so you think you can dance, a tgyh episode, i had a shower, then i tried doing contempary dance (it was a lol moment) i got inspired and did some work on a play, dusted and vacuumed the house, cleaned the kitchen, made cupcakes, had a tea party with katie and my sister, talked to mimi on the phone! AND sorted out the tupperware!!"

How eventful! It was great... Especially the tea party :D (s). I'll put photos of the cupcakes up soon.

In other news, lol Alex might be doing dance classes with me! I'm SOOO Excited!!!!! :D:D!!! Probably ballroom dancing. :D:D:D:D. Sooo much fun.. and soooo exciting. YAY. Hahaha hopefully he'll come along with me.. it will be fn with him because he can actually stay in time AND i won't have to dance with scary old guys who are trying be cool. Lol.

Anyway i am going to have a shower... hope you are all well!

Pigeons are really dirty, you know. And diseased. They hang around garbage and essentially that's what they turn into. Garbage. I had my biology prelim today.. i went ok! From biology we have learnt that organisms adapt to their environment.. and only some survive, hence the survival of the fittest. On a philosophical sense, using those pigeons as an example, what happens when we hang around different environments? Do we adapt or change to suit the environment or do we still remain ourselves? Does that environment determine who we are? Nature vs. nurture debate. I've noticed when i hang around different people I can be different but i think that is just various sides to my personality. Or it may be because i am adapting to my environment- to better accommodate the needs/feelings of myself and the other person. What do think?

On a lighter note, thank you to Belinda and Serena :D. For the maths 'study' time. Unfortunately we are not real men because we can't drink the man solo, but we sure can study!! :P

Goodluck with all your prelims :D!

I've had this song stuck in my head.. i love the strings in this song...

LOL well i tried to copy the lyrics here but they wouldn't copy properly. It was Supreme by Robbie Williams. XD

Prelims!!!!!!!! Yes, they have started. WOW. English was good and ancient.. hmm wasn't that great.. but it was worded REALLY badly. My teacher said he was going to mark it leniently.. so that's goood.. i really need to study BIOLOGY.. and MATHS... and... ENGLISH EXTENSION and S&C. I swear.. thursday will be painful. 4 essays. Well 3 essays, one speech. o.0. Do. do do . do do dododododooo. I've had semi-awkward moments today. BUt lol, rather funny though. Ok well i've wasted enough time.. i'm off to do biology!!! (prelims are making me go insane!!!! but on the plus side. my mum said i can use a downstairs room for a study!! YAY!)

The end of year 11 has come. Prelims start- monday. Year 12 starts- next term. I swear the last week and a bit even the smallest things have been getting to me. O.0. And then suddenly I switch from this crazy stressed mood to a really crazy mood.!! STress! Change! OH! SPeaking of Change i must do english. Goodluck all!

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Random lyric. (in title). From ' Standing in the way of Control' by The Gossip. Or Gossip, I'm not sure. I really like this song.

ok, here we go. OMGOSH PRELIMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND OMGOSH DRAMA PERFORMANCE AND GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :D.

Australian Idol. Wow. I love all of them.. well most of them. And the really cool guy that sang Coldplay! And the guy who did a version of JT's Cry me a river! A wonderful arrangement!

My Mum is leaving for Adelaide tomorrow. She's talking at this medical conference... So my Dad is coming up to look after us. Lol i'm going to be non existant this week because of me studying for exams. :D. oooomgosh prelimsssssssss.........

Just meet the outcomes. :D. weeeee....

I was thinking about the saying 'revenge is a dish best served cold'. I'm not really the type of person who takes reenge on anything really. I might doing something silly with my sister (haha) but nothing that serious or 'cold'. The thing that strikes me is when I watch other people's behavious generally, and i (yes i watch people and over analyse every single thing they do, and contribute that to their personality etc, its just something i do :P) see that they are acting out of revenge i sometimes don't understand why. Or even when ilook at what someone is doing, i think about the motive behind it, whether it be good or a bad thing. I love studying other people (and unlike a few years ago) lol i don't cast judgements from my high almighty throne. I use what i observe to explain the person and to get a better understanding of who they are. Which i think is a great thing. Like body language! Oh, the wonders of body language! And tone of voice! These two things unlock nearly everything in a person and what they are saying, and what they are really trying to say. Or what their real intenions are. And sometimes, you just don't want to know. But i always look too deeply. Try to understand. Understand, i'm not sure what. But just to understand... and sometimes i don't like what i find.

I must sleep. Goodnight.

Oh, before I go- MIMI! LOL we have silver hairspray ... yay.! and i swear, when i've finished this HSC- i'm going to go get a boyfriend or something. My love life is dead o.0. Still got your list Mimi? mwahaha. Look out. (p.s. i hope you can pick up sarcasm!!!!!!!!!!!)

:D

Just got back from babysitting across the road. We made cupcakes :D. And, I started reading Freud's 'Interpretation of Dreams'. It's so interesting. I'm really tired, but yeah i really want to dream tonight so i can interpret a dream with the new stuff i've learnt. I think i m ight buy that book. Start a collection. g'nite.

LOL!!!!

That is all I wanted to say.