In a strange way, I feel like i've found a sense of security. I'm not sure what in, but i feel at ease. Spending time with a new friend at the mall... i dunno. I guess she has been through similiar stuff. Who knows..

I had the thought a few minutes ago, it would be really great to go and work full time for a year, go travelling for a year, then come back and go to uni as a mature aged student. Why not? Sure, i haven't planned anything out.. but it beats school........ I'm just over this whole thing. There is so much more to life, and i'm sick of living in the shell , i feel like i want burst some people's bubbles.. there is so much more.. beyond assessments, drama, whatever... Wouldn't mind just living by the ocean for a few months. Get up each morning, walking on the beach, having breakfast, writing all day. To me that seems like living... I guess i've always been told or taught about planning what I want to be, who I want to be, what I want to do. I don't want my career defining me. I don't want school defining me. I don't want my feelings defining me. I just want to be. And those things can come along and help, but ultimately, i want to be at ease with myself. What is the point in doing all these assesments or things for other people.. to validate myself? To learn? I want to go out and live. And i have been. I can feel again- i'm not numb. I'm enjoying things. I'm getting back on top of my depression. And you know what? I'm ok with yesterday. I took the step to talk, it just didn't come. I didn't take the chance. Maybe life just has to go on. And i've learnt to live and live what i feel. So, lesson learnt.

Everything just seems so pointless, i just want to get on with this living stuff. I don't want to be just coping, i want to live. And thats what i am trying to do.

I logged on to this computer to do my ancient history assessment. But it looks like i'm rambling instead. :D.