Ok. So i thought, what do i want out of love? And i found it. I read song of songs. And thats exactly it. I've learnt my lesson and as it says :
'daughters of jerusalem i charge you: do not arouse or awaken love
Until it so desires.'

There is so much imagery and it is so beautiful- i used to laugh at it - but the connection between this man and woman is beautiful. It encompasses a connection to nature, spirituality, emotions, soul, body, mind, and hunger for this pure love. And when you read it, its not dirty. Its beautiful. I may be a hopeless romantic and even if its a naive notion, i must stick to this. I feel off centre after 'making out' with no connection, and i know now i what i need. I can't seperate myself from emotions, but i need to embrace that and when the time is right with the right person, this ''love'' will come about. I hope. It may be a hopeless idea, it may not be true, but if this book has survived 2000 years there has got to be some chance that it can happen. So i'll stay away from what the city is screaming, what a pint or two whispers... I'll keep my head in the clouds for a while, read song of songs, sonnets, etc, and hopefully i'll realise when 'love' hits.

Of course this will be hard because i do enjoy the notion of kissing. I'll be honest. But ultimately i'm going to put my spirit in front of my physical state, and hopefully when spirits collide, then kissing will follow. Haha i sound like such a dork- but i think thats how i am wired. It would be easier if i weren't wired like this... But hey, at least i know now.

Wow, i just poured my heart into my blog. How odd.